I’d have to agree with this…

I’d have to agree with this. I’ve seen blogs where the people are happy. Or they at least pretend. But all the sad people I know do write. Whether it’s a private or public venue. Why is that? I think it’s because we are all helped by seeing what we are feeling actually written down. That makes it more real than just the feeling or thoughts we hide inside. When we talk to others, they might not truly listen or they might just brush us off. This creates that feeling that we aren’t important enough or what we think doesn’t matter. But it does. I believe that’s why sad people write. It brings life and reason to the pain we harbor inside. No matter what you think or feel, sad or happy, your emotions matter. Your thoughts matter. You matter. 💜-Liv 

So I have been waiting to make the infamous “13 Reasons Why” post…

So I have been waiting to make the infamous “13 Reasons Why” post, but I think it’s time I go ahead and do it. I originally wanted to do it right after I binge-watched the entire series, but I’m glad that I waited because now I’m not so immersed in all of the feelings it brings up when you watch it. Now, I can write from a little more of an un-emotional-influenced stand point. I’m sure some of you out there have wondered what my opinion is on this very controversial series and I think some of you will be surprised. While many think the show “glamorized” suicide, I have a hard time understand how they came to that conclusion. I didn’t think there was anything glamorous at all about Hannah slitting her wrists and dying in her own bloody bathtub. Sorry if that’s harsh, but that just doesn’t seem right. I thought if it was anything it was honest and genuine. I, as a survivor of suicide, can appreciate them being honest and genuine about those feelings. There were also some parents who said that kids could have gotten the point without all of the explicitness of the thrusting when Hannah was raped. I highly disagree with that, also. Maybe I’m just a disgruntled teenage blogger, who knows? But I think that was also necessary. Not all teens get to grow up in a world where rape is just a word they’ve heard on TV; some of us have lived it… and props to Selena Gomez for making all rape victims out there feel cared about and represented. I’m sorry that the rape was hard for some of you parents to watch, but it’s harder than hell to experience, so I think you should just shut your mouth. I think the rape scenes will actually help young teens be more sensitive and considerate to people they know who have been raped; maybe the awareness that this show brings will help the percentage of rape victims who commit suicide go down. Just food for thought. Most importantly, I think everyone out there who watches that show goes through a deep pit of depression for days or even weeks after finishing the show because IT MAKES YOU FEEL SOMETHING! IT MAKES YOU HURT FOR HANNAH AND FOR CLAY AND FOR EVERY OTHER KID AND PARENT AND HUMAN THAT SUFFERED ON THAT TV SHOW. I appreciated the reflection that I went through as a result of “13 Reasons Why”. And no, it wasn’t always good thoughts…I mean… I was Hannah in high school. It made me remember why death looked so good to me back in the day. But that show also made me feel understood and loved and cared for…in a grand way. So, yeah, I am pro-13 reasons why. I just think the most important thing for people to know as they are watching it is that you are not Hannah Baker…you are you…and your story can end differently if you let it. 
You are loved and cherished…💜


I miss you…

I miss you. There, I said it. We were so close for so long and you would ask “How is your soul doing?” and that always meant to much to me. I realized a while ago you were not the person I was supposed to marry, and any romantic feelings I had for you went away after that. I was still excited to see you when you came to visit, though, and I always looked forward to messaging you when I saw you were online. When I met the person I was meant to be with I didn’t hide him from you, I wanted you to know him and be friends. However, you found your partner and you cut me out. The worst part is that I didn’t even do anything to make you hate me. Not knowingly, anyway. But you never talk to me and you never miss me, too. It hurts and I feel like a stupid girl getting over a breakup. I miss your friendship and I miss being close to you and knowing how you are.
So how do you go back to being strangers with someone who has seen your soul? I don’t think you do. It feels like a scarf that you never finished knitting- it just sits there and is jostled around until all the stitches come out and you’re left with a ball of unfinished yarn. And it hurts, everyday.
Xoxo, Cindy 💜

Growing up my father had a strange sense of humor…

Growing up my father had a strange sense of humor and thought it was fun to tell me things like “you’re ugly” “you’re fat” and comment on the food I ate or if I dressed up he had to put me down instead of complimenting me. When I was a child, I thought it was an inside joke between us, always sending these insults back and forth with each other. But as I got older the harsh words started to stick and became the voice in my head every step of every day. 
The words you tell yourself become increasingly true the longer you say them, making it like an act of conditioning. A dog can be conditioned to sit when told to sit like a human can be conditioned to feel disgust every time they look at themselves. But that also means there is hope to retrain your mind into better thoughts. If we can wake up everyday and say “I hate myself” then we can learn to wake up and say “I will learn to love myself”. That one thought, that one statement, can change everything. The saying “fake it til you make it” plays a huge part in this. We don’t have to feel like what we are saying is true, we just have to pretend it is. And one day there will be that “oh” moment where the mirror no longer reflects flaws and hatred, but instead glows beauty and self love! It’s all about perspective of the mind. This is only an example but it works with other things too! Saying “I will have a good day” or “I will try my best today” can have a large impact as well. 
Don’t let your house become dark and painful to live in because life is long and it’s worth fixing your house so the rest of your time here is the best it can be, both for the sake of you and everyone you love. 💜
With all my love 


Wow, this one hits home…

Wow, this one hits home.See, I took a particularly strenuous course of study through high school, which led to some major panic attacks and school related anxiety that only mostly cleared up after my final exams.

That being said, I didn’t prepare myself for college while in high school and wasn’t too keen on the idea once I graduated. I took a year at a community college to finish up my Gen Eds before heading to University, but my heart wasn’t in it and I actually failed an interesting class with an engaging professor because I stopped caring enough to do the homework or even show up.

Following that experience, I decided it would be best to take break from learning altogether, in an attempt to rediscover why I was doing this whole college thing in the first place.

    A whole year has not yet passed, but I am starting to remember what I like to learn about. There are two things I have wanted to do my entire life: work with animals, and work in the Theatre. One of those things requires a college degree, the other values experience in the field over book learning. I am (eventually) going to look into universities that are nearby where I live that offer degrees in Biology, and I am hoping to enroll by the start of the next school year. This is a major change from the last time I had to think about college, as I was dragged into the entire thing kicking and screaming. This time, I’m doing this because I want to, not because of anyone else’s expectations. I’m doing this because I think I will enjoy the experience and benefit from it in the (Hopefully not too distant) future, not because I’m “College Material”.

    My advice to you, dear reader, is to always examine your motivations. Doing something to fulfil your wallet, your resume, or even your transcripts might seem like a good idea, but it will burn you out. If you must do something of that nature, keep in mind that it is merely a stepping stone. It will pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
~Snoopy 💜

This is something we really need to learn…

This is something we really need to learn. Just because things don’t work out the way we wanted them to doesn’t mean it isn’t good.
When I heard that I couldn’t move to America to start my life with my girlfriend I was heart broken but we found a different way and she is moving to me.
It maybe wasn’t the way we wanted it to go but when we thought that it couldn’t be worked out we were so stressed out. Then it worked out. At the moment we didn’t know what to do it just happened.
Never give up. You never know what’s waiting around the corner.💜