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So, I don’t usually talk about my previous relationships for whatever reason, but recently I’ve had some feelings come up about my ex and this just really reminded me of him; therefore, that is my topic of interest for this post. So, the ex in question is the one that I cheated on my other ex with. So if you want to use a Grey’s Anatomy term, he was the “dirty mistress”. Anywho… I cheated with him and then my boyfriend at the time broke up with me and so I thought that it was finally going to work with the “dirty mistress”, but I had a rude awakening because…he didn’t pick me. I loved him with everything I had and on a level that was deeper than I had yet experienced and he kept telling me that he just couldn’t love me because he was too broken and too messed up and would hurt me. Now, I totally understand how someone protecting you from their mess can be a good thing for a certain amount of time, but he was using it as a constant excuse. Usually, once they’ve worked through their issues they come back and tell you they’re ready to give it a go, but he never did. He continued to date other girls while he was supposedly too messed up to date me. It was an awful feeling and experience to have to go through. What made it worse was that I chose to sleep with him and that’s all our relationship ever amounted to and I was definitely NOT READY for the connection it made between the two of us because when he left I was shattered and I still am. Sleeping with someone is a super big choice and I’m not one of those people that insists on waiting until marriage, all I ask is that those of you young teens out there who are considering it, please consider it a little longer; make sure you know and understand the commitment and connection that you’re going to establish with that person without even realizing that’s what you’re doing. When you sleep with someone I believe that a part of your soul is tied to them and that’s an awful thing to live with down the road when they’ve broken it and you’re just there trying to be whole. I’m not one of those people who will try to tell you it’s a guaranteed mistake to sleep with someone when you’re a teenager because I just don’t believe that’s true. However, I believe that you should wait until you’re sure that you’re sure that you’re sure that you’ve picked the right person. Ask yourself, “even if we broke up, would I be okay knowing that this person was my first and that I’m tied to them?” If you can say yes then I would say that you have a really good person in your life and that you should hang on to them, but if you find yourself thinking that it’s possible you might break up under awful circumstances and never speak again…I would consider your decision a little more carefully. With my fiancé we have a kind of love that I feel is eternal and unconditional. I don’t see us ever breaking up, but if we did, I’m confident that we would remain very close friends. And in general, he is a great person whom I’m proud to know. Those are the type of people who deserve that special part of yourself, so do your best to save it for them because, if you do, you’ll save yourself a world of pain that so many people wish they could escape, including myself. 💜

Love,

Kenzy

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