This perfectly sums up how I felt a year ago about realizing all of my nightmares/flashbacks were actually true. Somewhere in my heart of hearts I knew that there was something of substance to the flashbacks and how they made me feel, but it’s just one of those moments where you’ll believe just about anything, even if it’s the stupidest thing in the universe, just to keep your world from completely falling apart. Holding on to the inkling of possibility that all of those awful things were just made up and in my head was the piece of thread that made life bearable. And my method worked…until it didn’t. As with all illusions, the veil comes down and you’re forced to deal with the unbelievable truth that you’ve always know was there, but ran away from for as long as you remember. So I truly “saw it coming but at the same time I didn’t because I didn’t believe the world could possibly be that fucking cruel.” Those are never good moments when you realize the world is actually much worse than you ever thought it could be, but as I healed I learned that the extremes of the world go both ways: good and bad. After my huge, earth-shattering, horrible moment a year ago, I’ve also had huge, earth-shattering, amazing moments. And honestly, I believe I gained about 20 pounds worth of wisdom from that moment a year ago. My viewpoint on life and problems has been completely different since then and I have possessed a level of strength that I didn’t even know could be achieved.

Love, 💜


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