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I let someone in on a secret this weekend that I probably shouldn’t have. They immediately judged me on it. They immediately challenged my worth. It was a secret only a few of my closest friends know and a few people I’ve dated. Now I am about to share that secret with you all. Because I trust you, and here is where we share deep things. So I’m biting the bullet and letting you in too, mostly in hopes that someone out there doesn’t feel as alone as I do in this moment.

I have never been physically intimate with someone. That’s right, I am well into my late 20s and this is just not a thing that is done. As the people who’ve learned this secret asked me why, I realized something very important about myself. In the past couple of years I learned how truly toxic I was with myself. I treated me like the kid who has and always will never be picked for anything in her life. I want to give that part of myself away, but I couldn’t do that until I truly learned my value. I could never let someone love me until I truly learned to love myself.

I have learned I have all the time in the world to find out those things about myself and to let someone in. But first, I had to learn self worth. I had to learn to say no, a lot. I had to learn to have courage in where and when I would find my worth. I didn’t always win that battle. You may have not either. But let me tell you something love, you deserve the best that love can give. Never settle for an ordinary kind of love. You deserve better. Tell yourself that, everyday, and you believe it.

Eliza 💜

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