I would say that on the outside I am your average twenty year old female. I go to college, I wear glasses, I have tattoos and piercings, and I am always worrying about the way I look. The reason I give you such details is because I want you to be able to have a vision of who your talking to, so maybe you can connect with me a little better. On the inside I have a mess of anger, sadness, frightened memories, and confusion. My entire life I have had to go through things that I would never wish on my worst enemy, do I wish it would not have happened to me… No actually I do not, I feel as if has made me stronger and has helped me along the way and will further help me achieve what I wish to in life.
At a very young age I lost my father to suicide, a few years later I was physically, mentally, and sexually abused by my step-father and then to rub salt in the wounds when all the facts were laid infront of her my mother chose the man that had done all this to me. I was so young they thought that maybe I would not remember these things but I can tell you details about the day they unplugged my father from the hospital machines or what my step-father used to do to me. I watched my mother struggle between happiness and depression and some days were worse than others, I feel as if I was raising me and my younger sisters on my own. I wished every day that I could take the pain away from my mother. I remember falling asleep listening to her cry or having to get my little siblings ready for school and then coming home right after school and helping my mom bath and eat and take care of things around the house. When I turned 18 I got married to my abusive boyfriend and talked myself into the military. I was called a die-hard, I would have done anything to still be in the military and be fighting for each and every one of you, but I got sent home on medical and that is why my abusive husband left me and asked for a divorce. When I started college, I felt as if I would never amount to anything and even though I had my best friend by myside at all times I always felt alone. One day I felt as if things were never going to look up and I had gotten some medication a while back that was supposed to help me relax and calm down after boot camp. My best friend walked in as I was on my knees in my college dorm in tears with a handful of them. I am so glad she walked in when she did.
Currently I am going to college to be an English teacher, I am happy about the way I look, and I have a caring fiancé that treats me like a Queen even though at times I can be the evil witch. He understands everything I have been thought and helps me get by day to day. I honestly can say that I feel as if every struggle I have faced has lead up to this. This is my prize for always trying and never giving up. I am not telling you these things to get praise or to make you look upon your life and see all the bad things. I am telling you these things because there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. There is always a rainbow after the storm and the sun will always rise the next day. I am asking you to keep your head up when it feels like getting out of bed is the hardest thing to do anymore. To keep waking up, to keep trying for a okay day, and to keep trying to find your prize, or the light, or the rainbow. 💜