It’s been awhile…
I want all my followers to know that I’m doing okay and that I’m getting weekly counseling. I’m going to be honest and tell you that it’s been really hard…even excruciating at times, to accept that all the things in my bio DID HAPPEN to me and that there might be more I don’t remember. It’s a struggle just to make it through some days. Other days, I can keep it together and just classify it as a sad day. Lots of things have come up recently that I’ve never had to deal with before, such as anxiety of public places, anxiety of being around more than 3 people, extreme fatigue, etc.. I don’t tell you this to discourage you. I tell you this to show you 1. I live out the things I post about; I don’t just post recovery advice and neglect to follow it. 2. Everyone hits rough patches and it’s okay to be sad about it. Recovery is a journey, and sometimes in that journey you run into mountains, oceans, and cliffs. All of those things are intimidating, but they definitely are not impossible to overcome. I can tell you from previous “mountains” that I’ve climbed that the feeling you get when you reach the top is indescribable. I want that feeling again and the pain I have to go through climbing up this giant mountain is definitely worth that end result.
So, with all of that being said, accept the fact that you’re human and that you might hit patches of sadness and trials. DO NOT mistake these rough patches as you falling off the mountain and having to start over. That is not even close to what those patches mean. Think about them this way: in order to climb to a new height, you have to start from a low point. It’s almost like a level-up. I’m in a level up right now. I’ve climbed so many mountains already, but I’m ready to reach a new height, a new level of happiness and recovery. Also, please realize that if you are climbing the mountain of recovery you are doing so without a harness or rope to catch you if you slip up. Recovery is LITERALLY do or die; you either make it to the top of the mountain or you fall off into the bottomless pit. However, there are landings where you can rest during your journey up the mountain. And you know what? It’s okay to get tired from climbing. When you hit that point, don’t start to climb back down the mountain (fall back into self-harm or self-condemning thoughts or practices), just unfold a lawn chair and chill on a landing of the mountain. Look down at how far you’ve come; look up at how far you have to go. Accept it. And when you’ve lived in the state of equilibrium for long enough, pack up your camp and start climbing again. DO NOT think that climbing a mountain is not strenuous, because it is. So cut yourself some slack and realize that ANYONE who is brave enough to climb a mountain WITHOUT A HARNESS would have freaking anxiety and freak out sometimes when their foot slips or their arms ache so bad that they can’t hold on anymore. People who do what we do are really, really strong. Remember that please and be kind to yourself. I’m not giving up… I want you to know that💜