Geez, that’s the truth, isn’t it? When I was in high school I had “plans’. I was going to graduate and go to the Berklee School of Music, get my management deal with my talent company, see where my music album takes me, and then get married and have kids. That was the plan. Then over the course of my senior year, things started to evolve and change. I had started to realize that for music and blogging, the money I would spend on college was just pointless. Bloggers don’t go to school to be bloggers and most musicians don’t go to school to be musicians; they just are what they are and if they find they are lacking in an area then yeah, maybe they will take an online course or something and pay for that, but it’s pointless for me to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars in college loans for things I could do on my own. Another thing that changed was that it became evident that I was going to get married right away due to visa problems my fiance’ was having. We knew we were going to get married anyway, the visa issues just sped it up, which is totally fine by me! I’m still waiting on my management papers to this day. They have been offered, just never given to me for signing. My music album got way delayed because of my recovery process and me just needing a break, but even though we hit the play button over a year ago we still haven’t released the album. So, in short, presently I have no management papers to sign, no music album out, and still haven’t had my wedding after waiting 5 months from when it was supposed to happen in April. My life has turned into this one big “I DON’T KNOW”. Basically, I don’t know what’s going to happen or when it’s going to happen. I’ll just have to wait and see. So, to all you kids without plans right now or with plans that keep changing, we’re going to make it through. 💜
It seems there is less and less kindness in the world every single day. I think the biggest reason for that is that people are so afraid of rejection. For some reason people in this generation think kindness is a sign of weakness. If anything, I believe hate is a sign of true weakness. You can’t overcome those ugly emotions so you stoop to the lowest thing possible…where you ignore everybody, avoid everybody, or worse, talk down on somebody you share this world with. We are all guilty of it. Talking about people seems to be in our DNA. It comes out so easily, that sometimes we don’t even know we are doing it, or we make up different words for what we are doing. Being “one deep”, “independent”, “anti-social”. Which I can’t even lie, I’ve caught myself doing, and that’s how I know. Here’s the cool part, you don’t have to be a social butterfly to spread kindness. Smiling isn’t as hard to do as it may seem. Crack one at somebody! If you do something nice for somebody and you don’t get something back in return, it’s okay. God sees everything and He saw what you did. He saw what they did. And He is working on them too, don’t worry. Kindness doesn’t cost a dime. Spend it, spend it, spend it.
Your body is your temple. The two of you are connected. Whatever you choose to eat, your body digests. However the amount of exercise you choose to do, your body will enhance that also. Your body is always there for you. You only have one, and you will will never get another. This body has to last you the rest of your life. Your body depends on you, and you depend on your body. We all make mistakes. Your body may even let you down some days. Like when your leg randomly gives out, and you fall making a fool of yourself. Or one day you wake up with severe acne which I know I’ve struggled with myself. But don’t give up on it, because it’s trying it’s best. Same goes for you. You may have let your body down a few times, but your body knows you didn’t mean it. So apologize, be forgiven. Forgive yourself while you’re at it. After all, a fresh start is all you need sometimes.
Okay, so after having E. Coli, a yeast infection, mono, and the stomach flu, I am finally well! YAY! I just started my new nanny job and I absolutely love it. Previously I was nannying for a high-profile family with 4 children and they were great people, but I was ALWAYS WORKING. The mom was adding to my workload so much that even when I was not working I was still working. So, I left. The new family I’m nannying for is absolutely wonderful. The kids are 3, 18 months, and 8 weeks old. They definitely keep me on my toes, but overall the job is way more laid back than my last one was. I only work Monday, Wednesday, and Friday now, which is a huge blessing because that gives me time to rest, spend time with family, and work on this amazing blog! While this is great news, I also got some not good news from my chiropractor. Basically the tendons in my neck are degenerating and its going to spread down my spine if I don’t undergo an intense treatment plan he is recommending, which will be very painful for me and will last a full year. We are currently considering some other doctors and options for treatments, so I will keep you updated on that front. So, I’ve been to the osteopathic (for my spine) doctor and I really like her. I’ve noticed a big difference since I saw her last week and I’m going to see her again on Tuesday! Please continue to send your prayers and good vibes my way because although she is helping, it is still a painful process to fix all of the problems in my neck and spine. On another, much more somber note, I know most bloggers would totally never say this to their followers, but I am not and have never been most bloggers, so I’m going to say it. Recently I have been completely overwhelmed with running this blog. The work that it takes for this to run as efficiently as it is now is so much that I don’t even really function as a normal person. I have hired some help, but I’m still drowning. Believe it or not, I want to be a pretty normal person. I want to have the time to cook and do my own laundry and manage my own schedule, but at this point it’s not even close to possible and I’m really discouraged. Yesterday, I was really considering just stopping everything and quitting, but I can’t just abandon almost 5,000 people that I LOVE WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING and I also don’t want to just quit something that I’ve put so much work into in the hopes that I can actually make a living from it in the near future. I mean, how cool would that be if helping people could pay my bills and my teams bills eventually? That would be a dream come true. I can’t just throw that away because it’s really freaking hard and tiring and I only have time to shower like once a week (I know, gross, right?). I didn’t post this as an update just to ask for help, but that’s what I need. I need help. So if any of you would be willing to help me with managing this blog or doing research, I would greatly appreciate it. You can always message me on Tumblr or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org to ask for the details. 💜
I also just tried on my wedding dress for the first time in 5 months to find out that I can’t zip it up all the way. 🤦🏻♀️
I know that those resources may feel as though they are helping you and are there for you when nobody else is, but they are not your friends. They are not on your side. The good thing is that you are stronger than any of those things. You have the power to say no. You have the power to never let them get to you again. It’s inside of you somewhere, you just have to dig dig and find that strength. And while you’re digging, find the strength down in there to talk about it. I know from experience that keeping all of those emotions and thoughts in will break you so badly and eventually everything will come out all at once, and it’s not a pretty sight. I promise somebody that has been in your position before or to some extent, will be down to listen. Because they care. Of course some people won’t understand because they don’t understand what they don’t know. Even speaking your problems out loud to yourself will make it become real, and not just in your mind, because we know how it can get up there sometimes. Use your words. They are a gift. -Ariana 💜
I relate to this. You see, dear reader, I am often trapped within my own thoughts. One minute I am harmlessly entertaining a thought while observing my surroundings, but then the world around me becomes less interesting or less important than the freight train of thoughts that race through my brain. Seamlessly, I fade into my mind to follow this new rabbit trail, forgetting where I am and what I should be doing. Hours pass, or perhaps only seconds, before I realize that I have been staring into the not-so-empty-space of someone’s school lunch…
“Why are you staring at my food?” They ask, a little bewildered and a little concerned.
“I’m not staring at your food,” I say with all the wit and charm my seventh grade mind could muster, “I’m staring past your lunch and into the space on the other side of the world.”
And we would smile, because I have always been a bit spacey.
But now, I don’t like the inside of my head. It’s cramped and foggy in there. Getting stuck inside my head is no longer a whimsical walk in wonderland. It’s a prison, the only thing allowed out is the small voice of a much younger girl, if my voice even works at all. It’s getting overwhelmed because too many questions get asked before I can answer any of them, so the answers jam themselves in my throat and choke me. It’s being too afraid to ask what I really want to know, but desperately wanting things to change. There’s nothing wrong with being quiet, but there is nothing pretty about being trapped inside of your own head.
All my best stories are stuck there. All my biggest ideas and grandest dreams and boldest desires, entombed forever in the swirling sandstorm between my ears.
Some people have minds that are safe to wander inside. I was never allowed such a luxury.